It's when someone newsworthy dies that Rolling News really gets into it's stride. The presenters, or hosts, or whatever they're calling themselves nowadays - they shake with joy at the prospect of talking for hours with limited information. Their TV chops are tested to the limit as they all compete to say the same thing for the entirety of their shift, how ever long it must be. But we watch it anyway. All fucking night. We check twitter to see who is cracking the funniest joke about the most recent dead person. So far I haven't seen anyone saying "RIP Kim Jong il"... No one brave enough obviously. Now it feels like the time has gone, too many people on my feed have already celebrated the death of the North Korean maniac. Now it would just look like I was trying too hard.
But I mean it. I may confuse him with the Team America version of him, but still he seemed like an interesting fellow. But that is neither here nor there, and surely unsurprising.
It gets to the point where these Cunty Mouthpieces are simply either reading the Wiki page of the deceased or speaking on the phone to someone with a tenuous link to them.
It was about 3 hours into me watching the BBC find new ways to say "Kim Jong il is dead!" that I realised something. I am not one of those people who thinks about my contribution to the BBC via my license fee when watching the TV, but I did last night. We pay quite a bit of money into the corporation, and right in the middle of the day, depending on when you get up, the two main channels turn into rolling news and Teletext, which is exactly the same thing, news and weather in old computer style font.
This lasts until the end of the day, around 6 am, I feel like I am being ripped off. Naturally I have no real issue with the BBC because they have amazing TV shows like Frozen Planet and Have I Got News For You, and many more that I can't currently think of. But in terms of entertaining the millions of people who, like me, don't sit down to watch TV properly until after midnight. Just as the BBC decide to stop programming in favour of pummeling "news" down our throats. But fear not, I obviously have a plan, an idea.
The public, those who pay for the British Broadcasting Corporation and love nothing more than bitching and moaning about anything and everything, should be given a proper forum. I suggest Public Access TV. Kill off that fucking Teletext nonsense that is so utterly redundant that it is a wonder anyone even watches it anymore. I don't want to sit down and have what the BBC want you to think about something shoved down my throat. I pay for this shit, I want to be entertained God Dammit! I wouldn't care what the subject was, and that would be the point. It would hopefully worm out the people who not only get offended but those who convince themselves that it's someone elses problem, when it's not. There would be little in the way of guidelines, certainly much less than the BBC currently adhere to. It would be able to be different rules because it is public access, it would be the word of the people paying for it. Therefore the same rules would not apply. Naturally there would be some rules. No animal fucking. No murder. No nationalism. Those things are just not cool. But anything else goes.
There is little in the way of decent background noise on after 2 am. Most channels end. By a certain time your options are roulette, news, teletext, shopping networks and babestation. The titties win that battle obviously, but sometimes it is fun to watch shopping networks to see how amazing the presenters can make a hair brush sound. It's a talent. It is like the Rolling News, in the sense that the presenter has to talk pish for hours, and hours, and hours, and hours about the same fucking thing.
I am happy to have the titties on screen. It is just a shame that the titties are all grotesquely fake and the faces the titties belong to are just awful. I get the appeal of babestation I guess, I mean I don't really. But I kind of do, people who aren't aware of the limitless free porn which is available on the internet, in which you can see just about anything you want, they are the target audience of this tripe. People do phone it, if they didn't it wouldn't be on. They phone some ugly tart with terrible make up and worse tits and they spend money on wanking. I mean, it's better than watching rolling news I suppose, but it's incredibly fucking stupid.
We, the people who stay up late, deserve to be entertained also. And the people who pay for the BBC deserve the chance to get their point across. I simply see no argument other than the completely redundant "people might get offended" argument. Because the people who get offended and feel the desire to complain about it can go fuck themselves. Then maybe grow up and understand the way the world works. There is no reason not to open late night programming up to the public. Be it filmed in an actual studio, if you have the resources, or simply you and some friends on a webcam talking about football, music, cars, clothes or whatever.
If we have learned anything with the rise of Social Networking it is that everyone has something to say, and more often than not it is hysterical, intentionally or otherwise.
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