In the days after the release of “The Lockerbie Bomber” or Abel baset Mohmed al-Megrahi as he was once known, America announced a boycott of all Scottish produce. This, of course, would be terrible for Scottish companies who rely on America to buy their wares, but it would be fairly problematic to the Yanks who, due to a lack of understanding of mercy and politics, have jumped on the Fuck Scotland Bandwagon.
Let’s pretend for a moment that the US Government would stand by anything they say, and not just say things for effect. They would have to give up all things related to Scotland, as anything less would be hypocritical. I think the American people who are shouting the odds about the release of a dying man don’t understand mercy and have no idea exactly what Scotland has contributed to the World, most couldn‘t point Scotland out on a map. What follows is a list of Scottish inventions, not everything, just the ones that would destroy America in the event of a total boycott.
Adhesive postage stamps
Anaesthetics
Artificial diamonds
Buicks
Chemical bonds
The decimal point
Documentary films
Encyclopedia Britannica
Fax machines
Golf
Halloween
Hollow pipe drainage
Hypodermic syringes
Iron bridges
Logarithms
Macadamised roads (Tarmac)
Microwave ovens
Breech loading rifles
Penicillin
Pneumatic tyres
Radar
Refrigerators
The Steam engine
Telephone
Thermos flasks
The Telegraph
Television
Parafin
Whisky (the good kind)
The US Navy.
I could go on, but these are the ones I feel would directly affect the American way of life. A Scot has been at the forefront of invention long before America was even conceived, if they wish to boycott all things Scottish I welcome them to it, but there should be no picking and choosing. Within months The Grand Ol’ US of A would be living in the dark ages. No phones, no TV, no fake diamonds for the plastic whores, no tyres and no shitty Buicks to drive on what used to be macadamised roads, now just dirt, no thermos flasks to keep your shite star bucks coffee warm, no fridges to store the microwave dinners you couldn’t cook anyway, disease running rampant due to lack of proper medicine, no Golden Gate or Brooklyn bridges, no radar, along with no US Navy to take up position against some poor country who happens to be sitting on oil, no good whisky to drown your sorrows and no fucking shortbread.
