a fool and his gold.

February 14th, a day chosen by both card companies, and hard line Roman Emperors, as a day of public affection and death. That may sound a bit over the top, but the death I refer to is not that of a convinently named Roman, who fucked his way to an early martyrdom. It is the death of romance I speak of. I can be a romantic, I enjoy cooking for the fairer sex, aslong as I get laid for my troubles, so I guess I am not that romantic, certainly not in the bed anyway. I do have a good grasp on what is romantic though, and a great detector for shit deals. Cards with tacky, impersonal drivel printed on the inside are not romantic, neither are teddy bears which hold hearts, nor over priced roses. Romance is spontaineous, in the day of St Valentine, when he was sent to prison to await his death, he was "friendly" with the jailers daughter, and sent her love notes signed "love, your Valentine", and thus a day of over the top consumerism was born. The idea of having one day out of 365 dedicated to letting your other half know you love them is a complete contradiction surely. There is no romance there, do something you never do today, don't buy tacky shit to show your feelings, hallmarks words mean nothing to your beau. Cook a meal, write a song or poem, even oral sex or rimming would suffice, nothing says I love you like a tounge in the ass.
I would really love to see some cards with poems that guys would really say, "roses are red, violets are blue, we are together because I am afraid to die alone... and so are you." Sure, it doesn't share the same flow as the original, but still. "postie postie with angina, help me score some hot vagina." Classic. I will not be sending any cards, I haven't since 1994, I think you should stop sending valentines cards when you grow up, leave it at school when people actually care about it. If not you are in danger of competing with your children. I may sound like a Valentines scrooge, I just hate idiotic holidays, I work in a hotel/bistro and Valentines day is fully booked, come the evening we will be filled to the rafters with lovers, people feeling the pressure to splash the cash, expensive wines, three courses, I love it, we will make a fortune, idiots. In the last few days I have taken more phonecalls looking to book on Valentines night than I have since the New Year, and I take great pleasure in informing them that we are fully booked, and that maybe they should have booked weeks ago. They will no doubt end up exchanging cards in McDonalds eating the special valentines burger they will probably have on, complete with free love heart necklace. That is what love is. Remember that.

the next generation of world leaders

Some times things just don't seem to get to you, you spend most of your life pissed off, many things contributing to it, your work, your girl, your own actions. Sometimes it just doesn't bother you. I woke up today and I wasn't pissed off, which is very strange because I'm constantly angry as fuck. It lasted most of the day, then I ruined it by doing something extra dumb, I read the papers. I have no idea why, maybe boredom. I read about a 13 year old kid who has recently fathered a child to a 15 year old girl, now there is a fair chance that the result of this pregnancy will be as dumb as both parents, and most definately a benefit baby, which is just what we need just now, but there are more 'dads' coming out of the woodwork demanding a dna test, which shows how dumb they are, no care that they could be done for statutory rape, although by the sounds of it they would need to pull in the whole town, as this slag has a track record to say the least. I wondered what her parents reaction would be, they will suffer to, they are still in six year and they are already grandparents, I jest. I hope. These kind of stories make you wonder if China had it right, sterilise the bastards, I'm pretty sure this kid won't invent anything or cure any diseases, it will probably apply for Xfactor. These people have no business sharing oxygen with the rest of us, sure the legal age of consent it ridiculous, as most laws are regarding anything fun in this country, but we can't stand for this kind of nonsense, the kid will probably have sired atleast another two kids by the time he is legaly finished at school. Maybe it's just me showing my age, but what ever happened to childhood, climbing trees, playing football. Now it's all sex and drink and indie music, in my day we listened to the beatles and told girls to fuck off. I hope every child involved in this debacle gets jailed, steralised and have their little benifit babies taken off them. Stitch up her vag, its ruined now anyway, imagine being a 15 year old mother, not only is your childhood done for, but you will have the baggiest vag in your school. Congratulations, you are all idiots, and I wish you nothing but bad things from here on in, you bring down the name of the rest of the human race. That is quite a feat.

Two girls, one disgusting love of shit in common.

In an earlier piece of writing, titled 'Violence in your childrens face', I stated that people who have never played violent games, but insist on bitching about them was on par with me talking about 2 girls 1 cup, as I hadn't seen it. Well now I have. I got curious, all the reaction videos had me believe nothing was that disgusting and they were all in on the same joke. They were not, and there absolutely is something that disgusting. It took me ages to find it, I will post the link at the bottom, but I would suggest not watching it unless you have the urge to be disgusted. I doubt I will ever look at a girls asshole the same ever again. A few things struck me as being odd regarding the now famous video, the first was that the girls seemed to really really enjoy it, if you don't believe me you should watch until the end when one of the girls has to jam her fingers in her throat to be sick. Which is odd because if I was in that room, not even in the scat, just the room, I certainly wouldn't have to prompt the vomit. The next odd thing is the decor, why is there a plant pot on a washing machine in the middle of what appears to be a bare living area, not as fucked up as 'why are they shitting in a cup', but odd none the less. Also, did it not freak everyone else out how much the girls with the bad eye make up shit in that cup, almost a full pint I would say, I didn't see it coming, I always assumed that girls just dropped pellets, like a rabbit, but this one shit like a true champion.
I would love to know how much wedge they got for it, if any, maybe they owed a gangter some cash and that was the payment, maybe they just love it. One thing for certain, I doubt I will ever be able to eat chocolate mousse or ice cream with out flashing back to 2 girls 1 cup, easily the most unbelievably disgusting video I have ever seen. Since it went live there has been an influx of 'reaction videos', where everyone from 'Stewie' to someones grandmaw watch it and have their reactions taped, they are worth a watch, I wouldn't do it because I don't want everyone I know to see me jack it to scat movies. I said it was disgusting, I didn't say it wasn't hot. It is so bad that it is almost impossible to watch it for free on the net, and you can see anything for free on the net, the net wouldn't accept it, the video running time is shorter than the time I looked for it and it nearly made me sick, and I knew it would. However,

http://www.thatsphucked.com/post/2007/11/2-girls-1-cup-video.aspx

Watch it if you have the balls.