“Women just aren’t as funny as men.” You may have heard such a line before if you have ever spent any time in the company of imbeciles. It isn’t true, obviously. It has never been true. Sure, there are a multitude of terrible female comics, but there are an equal number of terrible male comics. Such is the way of things. For every (unfunny Womans name here) there is a Lee Evans to balance the equilibrium.
In celebration of my appreciation of female stand up comedy I spent my Saturday night (16th March) trawling the venues being used for The Glasgow Comedy Festival with Miss Tiffany Stevenson. I have known Tiffany for a few years now, together with her partner and my comrade Paul, we have written probably the greatest action movie you have never seen. What started as an exercise in trying to prove to myself that I wasn’t afraid of the ever escalating seagull situation in Ayr became a collaboration between the three of us which resulted in a great script that one day we hope to actually release into the world.
My night nearly ended before it began as I genuinely thought I was going to piss myself as I was on the bus to Glasgow. Due to the unbridled laziness of every cunt who works for stagecoach buses you cannot use the toilet on a service you pay £10 for. You simply pay £10 to an angry & bitter old wanker behind the wheel, have him be as rude as possible and take your seat, thankful that Stagecoach exists because it is slightly better than walking 30 odd miles. I got off the bus in Glasgow and waited on a street corner to be picked up by my good friends Gus and Sarah, I was scared to move from the spot lest I simply let go of whatever muscles it is that keeps the piss in the bladder.
Once picked up we drove towards the first venue, Blackfriars in Merchant City. I rolled about in the back seat praying to all the gods that I would make it to a toilet in time, by the time we were getting close the piss felt like it was in my dick. This is not a good point to get to. Specifically if you don’t have the luxury of having a big dick.
I jumped out the car as we got close to Blackfriars and I bolted in, leaving Gus and Sarah to circle the block looking for a space to park. I ran down into the comedy club, shouting my name at the girl in charge of guestlist and ran straight towards the gents where I felt sweet, almost orgasmic relief in front of the urinal.
Near miss averted it was now time to actually begin enjoying my night. Tiffany was in Blackfriars to perform her Uncomfortably Numb show which gained glowing reviews at last years Edinburgh Festival. In the show Tiff tackles and shines a very bright light on all the nonsense force fed to women through the pages of the glossy mags which have long positioned themselves as some kind of bible to live by rather than the falsified & photoshopped tripe that they actually are. In the hour long set she sets her sights on racism, sexism, classism, the alarmingly fast spreading idiocy in the younger generations and, my personal favourite, when she talks about Paul. Accent included.
The show ended to rapturous applause and she exited stage left, Guinness in hand. By the time Gus, Sarah and myself got drinks in the upstairs bar Tiff had finished signing and chatting to fans and it was time to make our way towards the next show on Tiff’s schedule.
Downstairs at The State Bar is home to a comedy club ran by a man called Chris, who sounds Welsh but claims not to be. He was the compere for the evening, he was also the only male voice. Besides Tiffany putting on another 40 minute show, in which she tried out mostly new material, there were another two females plying their trade. First up was an Irish lady called Mary Bourke. I hadn’t heard of her before this, but I was a quick convert. Her style is quite dry, but I was in stitches as she built up momentum and I look forward to seeing her again. In between Mary and Tiff there was a local girl who was funny but her name escapes me. She was quite terrifying actually. A Glesga Girl through and through. Tiff closed out the show with a great set and, save for the 3 hipsters in the front row, everyone seemed to really enjoy their night.
As if we hadn’t had enough comedy there was one more show, the late show at The Stand. Tiff wasn’t playing there until Sunday, so we got the gins in and watched a bit of the very funny Fred MacAulay and a guy called Mark Nelson who proved to me that people from Dumfries can actually be hilarious. When he finished, to a deserved rapturous applause, my night was basically over. No more comedy to be seen except the young couple in front of me who were winching like a couple of 15 year olds, seemingly unaware of all the hundreds of people around them and oblivious to the concept of hotel rooms or back alleys. Suitably drunk we said goodbye to Tiff and headed back to Gus and Sarah’s flat to crash out.
With my horizons now broadened, and some new comics to search for on YouTube I feel I should insist you check out any of the Stand Ups I have mentioned here. But mostly Tiff, I think she is going to tour Uncomfortably Numb this year and you should really see it, be you man or woman. The show is sharp, witty and very truthful.
My only regret of the night is that I missed Katherine Ryan twice, I have a thing for funny and totally cute Canadian girls. Next time, I guess.
My point, if I have one is this;
Penis or Vagina. Funny is funny.
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