There have been two things recently that have pointed out to me how little I am writing. One is the lack of any updates on my blog, or on WNV. This is no new thing, I frequently struggle with writing. The curse of the chancer. But I try, and that is the next best thing. There will always be long periods of not doing enough.
The main reason I know I am slacking on the word count is that I have pretty much mastered a new skill. It is an impressive skill, but also testament to the amount of time I waste in situations where I could just as easily be writing. For example, lying in bed watching shite on TV, a great place to write. But it is in bed where I discovered my new talent. Fear not, this probably isn't going to venture down any of the grim roads I go down on Twitter. As far as I know, I'm not going to start talking about wanking or fingering. You can never be sure, but I am fairly certain I won't.
My new talent involves the remote control for my TV. Many people have many varying terms for the remote control for a TV, but seeing as it controls a TV remotely, I have no concern for any other names you may have for it.
This remote control is quite long, and it has a ridge running down the back, at the bottom of which you place the batteries - which should give a hint as to the width of the ridge. You can grab the ridge without holding onto the front part of the remote control. If you know what I mean. Anyway, with enough practice and tenacity you can spin the remote control on the back of your hand by starting the spin with the ridge. This is why I haven't been writing that much. I have been becoming good at this remote control spinning. And it may please you to find out I have become very good at it. I can spin it 3,4 and sometimes 5 full revolutions on the back of my hand. It would be fairly impressive, If I wasn't lying in bed, alone, spinning a remote control on the back of my hand.
In one sense it started as a boredom thing, TV - at the time of night I watch it - borders on insulting. So you lay there thinking "I should write something." You give it some thought, maybe even opening your notebook or computer. You toy with the idea. Then maybe something to do with WW2 comes on and all those good intentions go to fuck because, finally, something worth watching is on. TV wins over late night thinking 80% of the time. This is a fundamental rule any writer should come to terms with. Sometimes, when it's clicking, obviously I run with it. But most of the time it's too easy to convince yourself what you're doing isn't that good anyway and the best course of action is to watch stuff about killing Nazis. Or you convince yourself that you're just forcing it, and no good writing ever came from forcing it. With the exception of Anne Franks Diary. "I'll finish that bit up some other time" never crossed Anne Frank's mind.
Now that I have mastered the art of spinning a remote control on the back of my hand I will need to find a new thing to become the master of. Because if you're not learning something at anyone time, you are not living your life properly. Sure, spinning a remote control on the back of your hand might not be learning Japanese or guitar or something, but I can spin a remote control on the back of my hand better than you can, and that's all that matters in the end.
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