There is a semi naked girl on my TV. Her name is Lolly, and she is currently squeezing her ass cheeks and waving her vagina at the camera. She is on the phone, one can only assume the depravity of the person on the other line. Battering away on his dick, listening to some girl with really awful tits talk dirty to him. It is one of the most disgusting rackets legally allowed to operate. I think it is an insult to men. Furthermore I think it is degrading. I feel the same about strip clubs, kind of, but at least the girl is actually waving her tits and ass in your face in a strip club.
The general theory is that because women are naked in these places, that somehow they are being taken advantage of. Which they aren't obviously. It is men who are being taken advantage of, playing to their weaknesses. Once women were allowed to unleash the full beauty of their being, men were fucked. More figuratively than anything. Once there was a price on pussy, so to speak. Marketing people, like with almost everything good, managed to some how ruin sex(y). They placed it up on such a magnificently high shelf that it became harder to find than the clit... Eh guys... Guys? Sorry for that, it won't happen again.
Lolly is now pretend humping something or someone. In fact, if you CGI'd a horse under her, galloping really hard, she wouldn't look out of place. Apart from the fact she is naked. The people who make this show must be fucking raking it in. That's why I have never agreed with the old "strip clubs are degrading to women" line. The people who say that are the same people who have never been into a strip club, or downtrodden husbands who have to say it when the wife brings it up with company. "yes dear, degrading." While fingering the wallet that used to store food money. The only people being degraded in a strip club are the punters. Throwing money at a stripper so she can dance close enough to turn you on, but no touching. You are paying a girl to get you horny so you can either go home and rub one out, or you can go pay another woman to fuck you. It just seems completely ridiculous to me, just rub one out to start with. Have some fucking will power man.
I've been in two strip clubs. Both in Vegas, both completely different experiences. A few years ago I went to Vegas for the first time with my good friend, let's call him Jim (I am already breaking the What Happens In Vegas rule, I don't want to take liberties as he doesn't know I'm writing this). Jim and I decided that the old adage 'anything worth doing is worth doing right' and after meeting our limo driver at the airport we went straight to the off license and got booze. Then we nervously asked Sal, the limo driver whose first words to me were "I can get you guys anything you want" if he could get us something we really wanted. To his credit, within the hour we were into it.
About 4 days later, when we realised that we hadn't slept, or indeed really left the room yet that we would go to a strip club. A taxi took us ages out of the way, it would later become an inconvenience bordering on life threatening. But we got there. It was about 5 in the morning if I remember correctly. Upon entering the place, keeping in mind we were full of booze and madness, we went straight to the bar and I immediately took advantage of Las Vegas smoking law that prohibits smoking absolutely nowhere. There were quite a few people in the place, but I ignored them and went straight for the dances. I wasn't paying, I had forgotten my wallet and Jim was covering it. He took no part in my vile ways because of his girlfriend back home, so all the more for me. I went mad, got dances with mostly all the girls who were available, more than one at a time some of the time. I was wrecked so I didn't really pay much attention to the questioning of what I did for a living, I just thought it was standard stripper patter.
During a dance with two black girls one of the girls came over and asked us to join them at the bar, where they were handing champagne to Jim, which turned out to be free. I again didn't question this due to my naivety, it wasn't until there were only a few guys left at the bar and I decided to forget where I was for a second.
I ran out of cigs and saw a guy next to me had a pack on the bar, I walked over. "Excuse me mate" I shouted over the music. He acknowledged me with a nod. "You wouldn't tap me a fag would you?" I said, thinking nothing of it because we call cigs Fags in Britain. I don't know why, Never asked. But that didn't matter because suddenly this cunt gets wild. Throwing his arms up and staring at me like I had just walked in the room and wanked in to his lap. "What the fuck did you just say?" He screamed, his two meatheaded mates gathered round. "Listen mate, I'm just looking for a fag." That sealed it. And about three seconds after I said it realisation washed over me like a fucking tidal wave. I tried to calm it but the guy kind of went for me, "You've come to the wrong place for a fag pal!" but before anything really sore happened the guy and his mates were wrestled out and we were left drinking at the bar with the strippers and the champagne. We now had all the strippers gathered round, I don't know the collective noun for strippers, maybe Corum or Quango. An Awesomeness of strippers? Whatever, we had them. We got wrecked.
Soon after those guys got thrown out Jim came over to me worried looking, he told me we had to leave because the bouncers just asked him for his gun. I knew nothing about a gun and was just wrecked enough to throw logic away and assume that he must have one. He went on to say that they had assured him everything was ok, but they knew his line of work and club policy stated no guns.
I started to think about the questions I had been asked. One sprung straight to my head that is obvious now, but try comprehending anything after being awake for 4 days, no food and there is a half naked girl actually dry humping your erection. One asked me why I needed a bodyguard. It is important to point out here that Jim is a solid drinker, one of those who get drunk, but look kind of sober. While I am the guy rolling about on the floor. A series of totally innocent things happened through the course of the visit that led these girls to believe that we were monied and/or famous.
The fact Jim paid for everything from the start, and me mumbling it was because "he takes care of me", being unwittingly evasive with their questions, Jim appearing to be wearing a gun on his belt, when it was just one of those phone pouches, the fact that when they asked how long we were in Vegas for our answer was we are on our way to LA, because that was the truth. Vis a vis, ergo, they thought Jim was my bodyguard and I, someone in need of a bodyguard. Once we figured it out, had a wee meeting away from the girls, we decided only actual real life idiots would leave that place. This was maybe not The American Dream, but I think we were close.
We drank so much more, and with nothing left keeping us awake and sober, it was going to end. We could both feel it. Once the shift change was coming we knew our time was up, so I took one of the girls into the back room where I was promised a private dance. I was on a couch in what was just a closed bar, and while this girl did her utmost to keep me entertained I was drifting off, I can just remember waking up every few minutes as I dozed off and there she'd be, dancing for me. She tried her best to keep me entertained, and in a last gasp attempt to make sure I had a great time, as is the way in America if you're spending money the people taking it are nice to you (take note Britain there is more hospitality in a Vegas strip club in the early morning than there is in Britain on whole) She grabbed my dick and started going for it. I woke up, mid handjob as Jim is accompanied by the doormen who were assuring him I was ok and not being robbed or anything. I didn't even say anything, it was over. Me and my erection were going back to the hotel, because what was ever going to happen? I wasn't going to be the one guy to get to fuck a stripper after only paying for a dance. Even with our luck that night. We had exhausted that. We said our goodbyes and made for the door, and walked straight into the midday heat, that is a quick way to jump back into some kind of reality. From a dark, air conditioned room full of hot women, to the vast desert in the bright sunshine and the really hot air.
For some unknown reason we chose to walk, more than likely because we had no money left. We eventually got back to the hotel and finally crashed out. We woke up about 20 something hours later and I had to phone down to reception to find out what day it is incase we had missed our flights to LA, we still had a day. The receptionist who answered didn't seem fussed by the question, I can imagine they hear it often.
I love that story, it is as close as I will ever come to winning the lottery. It pisses other guys off a little, guys who frequent strip clubs on nights out. Why? Because strip clubs are degrading to men. They are designed to prey on a lack of will power that is inherent through mostly all men, the fact that if you appeal to a mans libido he will do anything, including throw money at a girl who is going to do nothing but make you horny and skint. That's what Lolly with the terrible tits is doing. She is waving her stuff at you, asking you to call now.
I don't have much luck with women, I have some. I'd call it sporadic. But my point is that even if I don 't have sex for days, weeks or months on end I would never get to the point that I needed to phone some girl who I wouldn't even consider talking to for free in order to get off. Have some damn respect.
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