The Obama Decpetion. Review.

Alex Jones narrates his latest film 'The Obama Deception' like a speaker at a funeral, a trick he has employed through his other features, speak low enough and people will take you seriously, the only difference this time is he seems to have completely lost his way. The Obama Deception is so badly written and put together that it plays like it was made by a first year college student trying to be political. He sets out in this movie to destroy not only the President of the United States, but also the hopes and dreams of millions of people all around the world, with no concern of the consequences. To think that a country who basically viewed it as a crime to be black would ever have a black president is an achievement, regardless of who it is.

Alex Jones appealed to me originally because he seemed embarrassed to be from the same state, never mind continent as the former President, George W Bush. Now, however, It's Jones' opinion that the "elite" were in trouble, the black population were going to rise up and revolt, so they wheeled out the black candidate that, according to Jones sources, has been being groomed for 30 years. This was the first 'where is the proof moment' of this film, and sadly it wouldn't be the last. Jones has a knack of digging up rumours on news websites and passing them off as the truth, and the gullible fans who flock to his sites in their droves, lap it up and viciously attack people who disagree with their hero.


The many faces he got to appear in this piece of shit should speak for the integrity of it, Jesse Ventura, Gerald Celente (who is a trend forecaster), Joe Rogan, rapper KRS one and professor Grift from public enemy, who is convinced that taking over Africa is possible. Not one famous face saying anything of any substance, in fact it seems at times as if Jones is leading them, which he has done in the past. Where was Charlie Sheen, and the other Hollywood celebs that were fighting his corner 5 years ago.

The dreaded Bilderbergers were top of the tree in the opening act of this shitfest, and their secret meeting in the Westfield Marriot, where Jones was itching to be arrested for filming in the hotel two days before the meeting, in the hope it would give his film substance. He wasn't, in fact that whole sequence was a total anti-climax, and when the fire alarm sounds as Jones talks to a radio show on the phone, it comes across like one of his little lap dogs set it off, or maybe Alex himself, so it would maybe look like someone knew he was there, and so his filming might have a reason. And despite the hundreds of evil people descending upon the Marriot hotel, the only face captured on camera was a lady that could possibly have been The Queen of Netherlands, but it was hard to tell from that far away. Among the many people who were protesting this secret meeting we were introduced to an Investigative journalist who doesn't know the name of people he is quoting. It really starts to get awful around this point. To waste so much valuable running time on rich people having a secret meeting, that judging by the amount of people protesting wasn't so secret, seems like lazy film making to me. Sadly I still have most of this film to watch. More and more Jones comes across as madly paranoid, convinced he is being followed when a fat guy pulls in behind them at a grill (not the last place you would expect to see a fat guy), and despite no recorded encounters at the Marriot Jones is convinced that they are seconds away from being arrested.

The whole basis of this movie is that Obama has gone back on promises he made while trying to become President. What you have to remember is that men, especially in his game, will say just about anything to get just about anywhere, for example telling a girl what she wants to hear to get her into bed is essentially what Obama did, you are going to get fucked by your President either way, it might as well be by an articulate handsome gentleman, rather than the genuine mentally retarded chap who ran The US for 8 years, making you the laughing stock of the world. It shouldn't shock people anymore that a politician would lie to get into office, and if it does shock you then you probably shouldn't pay attention to politics. Politicians are comparable to Psychics, they both know fuck all, but are willing to take advantage of the poor fools who believe that they do. No one should believe that their Governments are anything other than gangsters and thieves, an honest man has no place in politics. Would you believe a stripper when she tells you 'you are the man', or do you just accept that she is hustling you. It doesn't matter, because either way you are getting hustled, and there is nothing you can do about it.

Jones still hammers his head against the wall of Democracy, and it amuses me that only Americans, and Countries that America has 'liberated' still talk about Democracy as if it exists. He still throws in the footage of 9/11 and Hitler in the same sequence because he is a unimaginative film maker, and because he has no other arguments, and 8 years since 9/11, still has no proof. I was an avid follower of Jones after seeing 'Rise of the Police state', but he is still saying the same things. This made me wonder, if I was a member of a shadowy group that ran the world, with enough money at my disposal to attack NYC (and I am not denying the possible involvement of some domestic agency, It's just I wasn't at any meeting about it, so don't know the truth) but if I was in that group, why would I not use my money and power to plant WMDs in Iraq, it would save a lot of hassle. Just think, I blow up a city, then use that as a catalyst to invade a small country, which I then use as a reason to invade a completely uninvolved Country because of WMDs, would it not make sense to then plant the WMDs in order to prevent any questions and hassles. Is it not possible, Alex, that while I am not ruling out some form of inside job at a lower level, maybe it was a terrorist attack by a foreign force, and that the real conspiracy started when Bush decided that while he was in the neighbourhood he would swing by Iraq and deal with daddies old pal Saddam? An action both Bush and Blair should be hanged for, that is one thing Jones and I agree on.

The glaring problem, which is being overlooked in favour of Obama-bashing is that America is the embodiment of over indulgence, and thus don't have a long shelf life. Their economic demise is less to do with shadowy bad guys pulling strings and more to do with the big roads for the big cars, and the diamond encrusted ass plugs for the half plastic humans who need to live in gated houses inside gated complexes and keep their German cars in their bomb proof garage in fear of the poor. Regardless of what he may or may not do while in office, the election of Barrack H Obama, a man of mixed race rising to the highest job in politics has filled a nation with hope, after 8 years under the rule of the worlds highest ranking idiot, they deserve it. It is selfish of Jones to disrespect those people by releasing such a terrible film, it does nothing to convince the "sheep" as his fans so graciously call them, all this film does is show that Alex Jones is a egomaniac with no talent for film making, who is driven by the plaudits of followers he has amassed, followers with no opinions of their own, just the regurgitated fantasies of Alex Jones.

An open letter to the fans of Alex Jones

A few years ago my cousin called me up for a hang out, when I arrived at his house we went to his attic; our regular place to hang out, we rolled a joint and put on a dvd. He had a special one for the day he said, Alex Jones, Martial Law: Rise of the police state. It was my first foray into the world of Alex Jones, his message was simple and terrifying, act now or be doomed to a life of slavery. He showed us what a lot of us knew already that G.W Bush was an idiot, and a tyrant. He detailed what he believed as the truth behind 9/11, as that particular event was still fairly fresh in my mind and still talked about on the news, it got me hooked and I spent my days trawling his websites in order to educate myself on the ins and outs of the new world order, the 4th reich, skull and bones and a host of other subjects. During the years I spent talking to people about these things I was subjected to the usual bullshit about being a 'conspiracy theorist' or 'conspiracy nut', until people got fed up with Bush and towards the end of his reign people would start spouting the very 'nonsense' I had been telling them a couple of years before.

Now Jones has come out with a new film called 'The Obama Deception', which does what it says on the tin, and sets out to destroy Obama. The current president has only been in office a matter of months and so far he seems to be doing an ok job, and I feel that Jones is profiting from the weak minded 'individuals' that subscribe to his sites, who call others sheep while themselves following the word of a man who knows just as much as everyone else. I still admire Jones in a huge way, he takes the fight to the establishment and has been arrested countless times for his troubles, including once for simply asking then Governor of Texas G.W Bush a question. My issue is the people who post on his sites, Jones' ethos in his early films, particularly 'Rise of the Police state', were that you take the information and make up your own mind, and then pass on the word. I'm pretty sure he didn't stipulate that you should be an asshole about it, which is exactly what I would call the people who post things like "You know not of what you speak. Please go back to NBC, CNN, FOX, ABC, etc. Your mind is not ready for new information." What these people fail to understand is that most people care not for the rantings of a select few, they have real worries, kids, bills, jobs etc. They are not worried about what may or may not happen in 2012 or any other year for that matter. Maybe that is a bad thing, maybe not, but the point is Alex Jones preaches freedom of speech, free thinking and the right to decide. A lot of his fans do not, they are narrow minded idiots with no apparent thoughts of their own, who think that by watching his films and reading his words, then regurgitating them with malice in other peoples faces, they are helping the cause. They could not be more wrong, they represent the opposite side of the ignorant coin that people like Bill O'reilly adorn, and attacking someone you have never met within the security of your bedroom or the anomynity of the net is not brave, nor is it helping.

I realise that by attacking fans of Alex Jones I would have to include myself, and I do to an extent. Except when I grew up I realised shouting debatable "facts" to people was not getting me anywhere, and that offering the available information to people who showed an interest in the subjects was a far better way to approach it. It is important to keep in mind while addressing the subject that there are some people who will never give a shit, for what ever reasons. These people are not your target audience, stop banging your head against the wall and learn which fights you can win. If you have strong feelings about anything then stop wasting your words by posting on the comments page of some website, learn both sides of the argument (yes that means actually paying attention to the dreaded news networks and not just dismissing them outright) and form your own ideas and arguments, then put your words together and forward that to as many people as possible. That is how to talk to people, if you find that doing such a task is too difficult and you can't form an opinion without the help of Alex Jones then you have no place in any argument or debate, especially one of such stature as the 9/11 debate, the prospect of a totalitarian takeover, or the sullying of Obamas name before he has had a chance to prove that all American politicians are not illiterate dumbfucks with criminal tendencies like George W Bush, and the entire Bush family.

I continue to read Alex Jones, and will always pick out like minded individuals and point them in the direction of his sites, and other sites for that matter. You have to remember that if you approach someone while acting like a dick, start calling them sheep, and telling them that they are asleep etc, it will probably result in said person telling you to fuck off, and they will never read these sites at risk of turning into a cunt like the one you came across as.

The Twodayer.

I realised on Sunday morning, after reading the papers while waiting to be picked up, that I was in the wrong business. If you want to make money these days then you better be a polititian or the head of a bank, they are the only people in the position to steal money and get away with it. Hell if you are PM you can kill people, thousands of people, and not only get away with it, but paid well to boot. There is certainly little money to be made in the music industry. When I was finally picked up I wondered if what they say is true, if everyone really is on the breadline, will people venture out to gigs on a sunday and monday night? I certainly hoped so. Myself, Fergus and Stu hit the road, Dragon was not with us as he had business in London for his other project, so we arranged to meet him in Milton Keynes. Before that we had to negotiate our way down the Country. What started as a leasurely Sunday avo drive quickly turned into a race against time to make soundcheck, and to prevent my bladder from exploding all over the front seats/windshield/friends. We made it in time, dispite being late, there was alot of technical dificulties holding up proceedings. I did manage to piss for atleast 3 minutes solid however. The venue was a place called The Crauford Arms, or something like that, it was big and the show went well, dispite the failing P.A and the stained carpets. We ended up having a rather big night after the show, and the landlord let us drink until 4 or there abouts. The place was grotty but the drink is well priced and you don't worry about making a mess, because there already was one. I filled my system with many different ciders, pear, strawberry, regular and the new flavour walkers. Which, by the way, are all shit, none deserve to win, the fish and chips are awful, only two things should smell and taste like that and neither of them are crisps.
By the time we retired up to the bedrooms we had gained two new room mates in the shape of Mac and Scat, who bunked on the floor of Dragon and Gus' room. Later myself and Spider would try to share a single bed to watch the news updates on the Oscars, but by lights out I had to bail on to the floor, the bed was just that little bit too small and the close proximity of my face to the sharp corner of the sideboard had me worried about falling out of the bed. When we woke up I was not too shocked to find out that the hotel didn't have a shower, just a bath. At least it wasn't a tin bath like in the westerns, I was alomost positive it would be. If you ever stay there I would suggest always wearing shoes when walking about on the carpets, that's all I'm saying. As everyday tour tasks go, the early morning load out and waking Dragon up the morning after the night before are the two biggest, sadly both needed done on this morning, me and Spider took care of it, then Gus, like our American cousins, joined in for the final push. We eventually woke Dragon up, ofcourse all the packing was finished, he was suprised to find out there was no shower. We got some good hot rolls and escaped to London, with me cosying up to the gear in the back of the transit.

Day two was a first in Sucios touring days, a press day. First stop was to record an interview for the Dan Carter rock show, not with Dan, but with the lovely Nan. We were met there by Jon from the label, who made sure we got from there to the next interview which was a video interview for an online magazine of sorts, if my memory serves correctly. Everyone was phone mad during that interview, except Spider who didn't seem to get any love from his phone. Even I got a call, and I never have calls. The Riff was on the blower trying to find us, which only served to show just how little I know about London, and how little I pay attention to my surroundings. The Riff was in Kentish town heading to the venue, and it turned out we were in Hackney, that's what the giant fucking sign above my head said anyway, which was pointed out to me when I asked a passer by where exactly I was. When we finally finished with the press, we made our way back to the van, where I finished off the amazing Costco sandwiches I brought with me, really incredible sarnie, cheese and parmaham, shaped like a massive bagel, it had lasted since leaving Ayr the day before. The band were very excited about playing the Bull and Gate again, the Promoter Michael is easily the best young promoter in London, the complete polar opposite of a certain terrible promoter from a gig in our not too distant past. Yet again he made sure as many people knew about the show, that coupled with Sucioperros heavy rep pretty much guaranteed a full house. Anyone who was there will know how good a set it was, for those who couldn't be there you missed a big one, the level of excitement in the room for the duration of the set was palpable. The crowd vibed the whole way through, at one point it got a little explicit in the front row. If you can make your girl wet while standing at the front of a sucio crowd with the sound of fancy new guitars wailing and cymbals crashing, and the acidic smell of the shirts worn by the band then congrats, you are a true swordsman. After the show and the load out, we made moves for the travelodge which was located somewhere in London, it got a bit mad in there, as Dragon was the only one of us who was more than a little pissed, we decided to leave him on his own in the room while we went out for munchies, it turned out we only had to go downstairs to the vending machine, so were only away for five minutes, but in that space of time he had managed to get into his Duke get-up and scare us half to death upon re-entering the room. Being confronted with a half naked Scotsman in riding boots, trousers and zorro style mask is enough to put the fear of God in any man. The credit crunch finally hit me on the long journey back from London, and I completely ran out of cash, well, it's easier to blame the crisis than it is to blame my inability to keep money, and my addiction to spending. The credit crunch doesn't seem to have made much of a difference to my life, I still have a job, I still have money in my bank, which enables me to travel around the country with my favourite band. If that ever changes, to no fault of mine, I will drag our unelected, blind, fat, fidgety fuck of a PM to a Sucio show and watch his glass eye explode. When unelected dictators run other Countries, we kill them, so why not here? Forza Sucio.

The Return of The Duke.

There are somethings that will always be terrifying, watching The Shining in the dark, Nazi Zombies, both in real life and on Call of Duty, Alexandra Burkes ego, and The Marmaduke Duke live show. The venue hosting the first show of this week long tour, their first in three years or so, was The Bongo Club in Edinburgh, if it wasn't for the terrible, highly incompetant bar staff it would be a decent wee place, they even let us smoke in the dressing room. Well, not exactly let us, but they only noticed at the end of the night and told us it was non smoking, to which we all made out it was brand new information, 'no smoking you say? sorry, we didn't know.' So Edinburgh priced drinks and incapable bartenders aside The Duke took the stage to a hell of an ovation. Led on by a six foot funky disco Errol Flynn in a Don Johnson cast off, the band were cloaked, masked and feathered. A large amount of patrons had also made the effort, top hats, capes and weapons littered the crammed venue, I felt under dressed with my slacks, jumper and handsome face. The set thundered into life with the exceptional False and Cinematic, quite possibly their best song, and from there it was a collection of their best cuts from both joints released thus far, sadly Je Suis Un Funky Homme was missing, but you can't have it all I guess. During the insane 'Demon' the poor chap next to me looked completely befuddled, I pictured what was going on inside his head, and from what I could gather he was a little girl with pigtails in downtown Baghdad, crying in the corner amidst a carpet bombing. It was around this point in the show when the bar closed, there are few things as defeating as someone closing a bar shutter right in your face, especially at ten o'clock at night. Just another reason not to return to this potentially good venue.

Marmaduke Duke are in your face, gloriously so, they care not for your ear drums nor your feelings, they will not play an encore and they will remain silent during the breaks. All together it is a very surreal experience, and with so much music around these days it takes something special to stand out, and when the band is made up of two of Scotlands best bands there is little doubt that it will be anything but unique, intricate and completely ferocious. The Atmosphere spent as much time in the crowd as he did on the stage, wearing a mask that is best described as terrifying, combined with his beard and hair it was what nightmares are made of. The Dragon, hooded, bearded and vibed did what he knows best and rocked the shiznit out of the songs, the two drummers and the bass were hidden from my sight because I seem to get shorter at every gig I attend, and it didn't help that one guy in front of me was also so fat that he eclipsed the stage. He moved, however, when I leaned forward and told him they were giving away free deep fried pizza and chocolate dipping sauce at the front door. 'The Duke' will be on tour all week, playing such venues as The Deaf Institute in Manchester, a social club in Leeds, gay haven Heaven, and even gayer... Glasgow Art School, it's clear that they are not an average band. Their outfits could influence people either way, if it wasn't for the music, a collection of some of the finest riffs, beautiful melodies and incredible lyrics. Some bands would do well to take note. Image is all very well, but if you don't have the songs to back up the image then, thankfully, you will dissapear as quickly as you arrived.

a fool and his gold.

February 14th, a day chosen by both card companies, and hard line Roman Emperors, as a day of public affection and death. That may sound a bit over the top, but the death I refer to is not that of a convinently named Roman, who fucked his way to an early martyrdom. It is the death of romance I speak of. I can be a romantic, I enjoy cooking for the fairer sex, aslong as I get laid for my troubles, so I guess I am not that romantic, certainly not in the bed anyway. I do have a good grasp on what is romantic though, and a great detector for shit deals. Cards with tacky, impersonal drivel printed on the inside are not romantic, neither are teddy bears which hold hearts, nor over priced roses. Romance is spontaineous, in the day of St Valentine, when he was sent to prison to await his death, he was "friendly" with the jailers daughter, and sent her love notes signed "love, your Valentine", and thus a day of over the top consumerism was born. The idea of having one day out of 365 dedicated to letting your other half know you love them is a complete contradiction surely. There is no romance there, do something you never do today, don't buy tacky shit to show your feelings, hallmarks words mean nothing to your beau. Cook a meal, write a song or poem, even oral sex or rimming would suffice, nothing says I love you like a tounge in the ass.
I would really love to see some cards with poems that guys would really say, "roses are red, violets are blue, we are together because I am afraid to die alone... and so are you." Sure, it doesn't share the same flow as the original, but still. "postie postie with angina, help me score some hot vagina." Classic. I will not be sending any cards, I haven't since 1994, I think you should stop sending valentines cards when you grow up, leave it at school when people actually care about it. If not you are in danger of competing with your children. I may sound like a Valentines scrooge, I just hate idiotic holidays, I work in a hotel/bistro and Valentines day is fully booked, come the evening we will be filled to the rafters with lovers, people feeling the pressure to splash the cash, expensive wines, three courses, I love it, we will make a fortune, idiots. In the last few days I have taken more phonecalls looking to book on Valentines night than I have since the New Year, and I take great pleasure in informing them that we are fully booked, and that maybe they should have booked weeks ago. They will no doubt end up exchanging cards in McDonalds eating the special valentines burger they will probably have on, complete with free love heart necklace. That is what love is. Remember that.

the next generation of world leaders

Some times things just don't seem to get to you, you spend most of your life pissed off, many things contributing to it, your work, your girl, your own actions. Sometimes it just doesn't bother you. I woke up today and I wasn't pissed off, which is very strange because I'm constantly angry as fuck. It lasted most of the day, then I ruined it by doing something extra dumb, I read the papers. I have no idea why, maybe boredom. I read about a 13 year old kid who has recently fathered a child to a 15 year old girl, now there is a fair chance that the result of this pregnancy will be as dumb as both parents, and most definately a benefit baby, which is just what we need just now, but there are more 'dads' coming out of the woodwork demanding a dna test, which shows how dumb they are, no care that they could be done for statutory rape, although by the sounds of it they would need to pull in the whole town, as this slag has a track record to say the least. I wondered what her parents reaction would be, they will suffer to, they are still in six year and they are already grandparents, I jest. I hope. These kind of stories make you wonder if China had it right, sterilise the bastards, I'm pretty sure this kid won't invent anything or cure any diseases, it will probably apply for Xfactor. These people have no business sharing oxygen with the rest of us, sure the legal age of consent it ridiculous, as most laws are regarding anything fun in this country, but we can't stand for this kind of nonsense, the kid will probably have sired atleast another two kids by the time he is legaly finished at school. Maybe it's just me showing my age, but what ever happened to childhood, climbing trees, playing football. Now it's all sex and drink and indie music, in my day we listened to the beatles and told girls to fuck off. I hope every child involved in this debacle gets jailed, steralised and have their little benifit babies taken off them. Stitch up her vag, its ruined now anyway, imagine being a 15 year old mother, not only is your childhood done for, but you will have the baggiest vag in your school. Congratulations, you are all idiots, and I wish you nothing but bad things from here on in, you bring down the name of the rest of the human race. That is quite a feat.

Two girls, one disgusting love of shit in common.

In an earlier piece of writing, titled 'Violence in your childrens face', I stated that people who have never played violent games, but insist on bitching about them was on par with me talking about 2 girls 1 cup, as I hadn't seen it. Well now I have. I got curious, all the reaction videos had me believe nothing was that disgusting and they were all in on the same joke. They were not, and there absolutely is something that disgusting. It took me ages to find it, I will post the link at the bottom, but I would suggest not watching it unless you have the urge to be disgusted. I doubt I will ever look at a girls asshole the same ever again. A few things struck me as being odd regarding the now famous video, the first was that the girls seemed to really really enjoy it, if you don't believe me you should watch until the end when one of the girls has to jam her fingers in her throat to be sick. Which is odd because if I was in that room, not even in the scat, just the room, I certainly wouldn't have to prompt the vomit. The next odd thing is the decor, why is there a plant pot on a washing machine in the middle of what appears to be a bare living area, not as fucked up as 'why are they shitting in a cup', but odd none the less. Also, did it not freak everyone else out how much the girls with the bad eye make up shit in that cup, almost a full pint I would say, I didn't see it coming, I always assumed that girls just dropped pellets, like a rabbit, but this one shit like a true champion.
I would love to know how much wedge they got for it, if any, maybe they owed a gangter some cash and that was the payment, maybe they just love it. One thing for certain, I doubt I will ever be able to eat chocolate mousse or ice cream with out flashing back to 2 girls 1 cup, easily the most unbelievably disgusting video I have ever seen. Since it went live there has been an influx of 'reaction videos', where everyone from 'Stewie' to someones grandmaw watch it and have their reactions taped, they are worth a watch, I wouldn't do it because I don't want everyone I know to see me jack it to scat movies. I said it was disgusting, I didn't say it wasn't hot. It is so bad that it is almost impossible to watch it for free on the net, and you can see anything for free on the net, the net wouldn't accept it, the video running time is shorter than the time I looked for it and it nearly made me sick, and I knew it would. However,

http://www.thatsphucked.com/post/2007/11/2-girls-1-cup-video.aspx

Watch it if you have the balls.