a fool and his gold.

February 14th, a day chosen by both card companies, and hard line Roman Emperors, as a day of public affection and death. That may sound a bit over the top, but the death I refer to is not that of a convinently named Roman, who fucked his way to an early martyrdom. It is the death of romance I speak of. I can be a romantic, I enjoy cooking for the fairer sex, aslong as I get laid for my troubles, so I guess I am not that romantic, certainly not in the bed anyway. I do have a good grasp on what is romantic though, and a great detector for shit deals. Cards with tacky, impersonal drivel printed on the inside are not romantic, neither are teddy bears which hold hearts, nor over priced roses. Romance is spontaineous, in the day of St Valentine, when he was sent to prison to await his death, he was "friendly" with the jailers daughter, and sent her love notes signed "love, your Valentine", and thus a day of over the top consumerism was born. The idea of having one day out of 365 dedicated to letting your other half know you love them is a complete contradiction surely. There is no romance there, do something you never do today, don't buy tacky shit to show your feelings, hallmarks words mean nothing to your beau. Cook a meal, write a song or poem, even oral sex or rimming would suffice, nothing says I love you like a tounge in the ass.
I would really love to see some cards with poems that guys would really say, "roses are red, violets are blue, we are together because I am afraid to die alone... and so are you." Sure, it doesn't share the same flow as the original, but still. "postie postie with angina, help me score some hot vagina." Classic. I will not be sending any cards, I haven't since 1994, I think you should stop sending valentines cards when you grow up, leave it at school when people actually care about it. If not you are in danger of competing with your children. I may sound like a Valentines scrooge, I just hate idiotic holidays, I work in a hotel/bistro and Valentines day is fully booked, come the evening we will be filled to the rafters with lovers, people feeling the pressure to splash the cash, expensive wines, three courses, I love it, we will make a fortune, idiots. In the last few days I have taken more phonecalls looking to book on Valentines night than I have since the New Year, and I take great pleasure in informing them that we are fully booked, and that maybe they should have booked weeks ago. They will no doubt end up exchanging cards in McDonalds eating the special valentines burger they will probably have on, complete with free love heart necklace. That is what love is. Remember that.