Breaking News: Winter is Cold.

I wrote this a few years ago, but it is worth keeping it in mind. The news has already started with their pish. Winter is coming, it's fine.

Breaking News: Winter is Cold.

"I haven’t been on here in ages. But I thought it would be the best place to do what I’m about to do, which is save lives. Which is important.

In a global sense, I don’t know many of you, and statistically I probably wouldn’t get on with many of you either. Which is both our faults. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to look out for you. You see, despite the many differences that have been created by shadows to keep us apart… We are all exactly the same. Some of us are slightly more toned and handsome though.

Anyway, I digress.

This is, in essence, a public service announcement, and like any public service announcement, I am trying to save lives. I don’t expect anything in return. I am a selfless human who only wishes to be left alone.

It is already October, which means soon the Winter will be here. Some places sooner than others, I’d give it one more week here in Scotland before the frost arrives.

But we shouldn’t panic. If you have been alive a while, you must have noticed the pattern. Generally speaking, after Autumn - or Fall depending on your geographical location - comes Winter. This happens EVERY SINGLE YEAR.

Winter, for those not paying attention is a fairly cold season, the coldest season actually. So don’t worry… That white stuff that covers your world, that you used to think was picturesque, that’s called frost. Sometimes it’s called Ice. Ice, by it’s very nature is a slippery bugger, so you should watch your feet. Walk slowly, which will not only save your bones, it will also give you a chance to take in the awesome beauty of a winter landscape.

The other white stuff, the softer, more fun and versatile substance is snow… Remember the stuff you longed for when you were a kid… It’s the same stuff. And it is still as much fun.

You can build things out of it, or ball it up and throw it at people. If you are a real crazy cat you can get a bit of plastic, sit on it and go down a hill. It’s called sledging. You used to look forward to it.

You have no excuse now. I have given you fair warning, you hopefully won’t be too shocked when that bastard white stuff falls on you… Stopping you getting to your job, or school. The Horror! The Horror!

It’s going to be cold, we know it’s going to be cold. It’s fucking winter. Don’t listen to the news. If you get a day off work because of the snow, count yourself lucky. Go out and enjoy it. Because before long you’re going to be bitching that the summer is too hot.